So you’ve done it. You worked up the nerve to talk to that girl you’ve had an eye on for a while, and you managed to get her phone number. While this may seem like a milestone achievement in itself, the fact is that it’s a small step towards something bigger.
Assuming that you would like to date this girl, getting her number has only opened the door, so now you have to be able to walk through it without it getting slammed in your face.
Thus, if you’re a bit unsure as to where things go from here or how to act so as to remain aloof and not creepy, we’ve compiled a list of do’s and don’ts that should help you at least secure a first date. Then it’s up to you where things go from there, so no pressure.
How Soon Should I Follow Up With Her?
This is one of the primary questions that many guys ask themselves after getting to this stage, and some will have a system in place (wait three days before calling), while others are so eager to call that they can’t wait until she’s even gotten home first.
So what’s the right answer? Well, that depends. While it would be nice to say you should wait X amount of time before making a follow-up, the fact is that your conversation and everything leading up to the number exchange matters.
Did you ask her out already? Was there a strong flirtatious vibe from her? Was she so drunk that she’s unlikely to remember your name? These are all variables that can influence your response time, but a general rule to follow is that you shouldn’t keep her waiting too long.
If she was open to giving you a way to contact her, don’t be stingy or shy. If you want to seem more aloof, then wait a day or so, but don’t go more than two days without at least a text. That brings us to our next situation-
Calling vs. Texting
These days, no one calls each other anymore, so it might seem out of place to do so with a girl that you just met. The go-to method for reaching out is obviously through text message, but you want to make sure that you’re utilizing it effectively.
If things were really clicking before the exchange, then you probably want to call “just to hear her voice.” Ultimately, calling shows that you are more than interested in this girl, while texting is a way of showing that you are keeping some boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with either situation, but just know what you’re projecting in each case.
Waiting for a Response
If you have reached out to her or tried calling and it went to voicemail, then the ball is in her court, as they say. If she doesn’t respond back to you within a day, then you might have struck out after the fact. However, if your initial contact was full of chemistry, then perhaps a follow-up text can make sure that everything’s okay, but don’t take anything personally.
Think about it this way; do you always respond to every text or voicemail you get right away? Especially if it’s from someone you just met? Don’t assume that her taking a while to get back to you means anything negative, and certainly don’t blow up her phone trying to reach her. Overall, a single follow up is a good way to show interest without seeming too eager or clingy.
Asking for a Date
Again, this will depend on what happened during the exchange, but odds are that you are hoping to see this girl again, so the goal should be to set up a definitive time and place to meet up. Even if things are more casual than a “date,” it’s a good idea to see each other again to make sure that your chemistry still clicks.
As with everything, there is no right answer to this question, so don’t try to come up with a system or formula for asking her out, as each girl is different. Instead, start a conversation with her and then try to work in a date somehow.
Ask if she has plans for the weekend and then see if she wants to meet for dinner or something. Keep it light and casual at first until you have seen how your rapport builds on itself.
That being said, if you both had an instant attraction, then don’t hesitate because you think it’s the “right” thing to do. As we said, each girl is different so go based on the evidence you have, not what has worked for you or other people in the past.
Avoiding Creeper Territory
For some guys, they can come across as “serial killer” without any provocation, while others can build trust immediately. As a general rule, the way to avoid sounding or seeming creepy is not to be too interested, and also to avoid talking about sex as much as possible during your first interactions with her.
If she thinks that all you’re after is her body, odds are she will shut down and push you away. Also, don’t be that guy in the first place and you’ll be golden.
Overall, the best thing to do is be open and honest about what you think of her and where you think your relationship could be headed. This can be as simple as saying that you are interested in pursuing her romantically, or that you’re looking for something fun and casual. The more upfront you are about your expectations, then the better chances you’ll have at finding out hers.