Being in a relationship is much more than spending time with one person.
Although your girlfriend is the one you’re with, she brings a host of other people along for the experience.
Her friends and family are part of the package, which means that you will have to spend time with them as well.
But what if you don’t get along with her friends?
What if you hate them?
How to Tell Your Girlfriend You Hate Her Friends
Hate is a strong word, but there are just some people that are so off-putting that being around them feels more like a chore.
Hopefully, your girlfriend won’t have anyone like that in her life, but if she does, then that’s something you have to sort out.
Today we’re going to discuss how to approach this subject so that you don’t come across as the bad guy.
It’s imperative that you handle it with care; otherwise, it could spell disaster.
How Big is the Problem?
Because telling your girlfriend that you hate her friends is a touchy subject, the first thing you should do is determine whether or not it’s a problem at all.
Yes, you don’t like them, but how much does it impact your relationship?
In some cases, it may be best to avoid talking about it all.
For example, if you don’t spend that much time with her friends except for the odd double-date or party, then is it that big of a deal?
Is it that hard to spend a few hours with someone, especially when you have your girlfriend there as a buffer?
Sure, you probably won’t want to spend time one-on-one, but in a group setting, that usually takes a lot of the pressure off of the situation.
So, before you can strategize about different ways to talk to your girlfriend, ask yourself what would happen if you didn’t.
What’s the worst-case scenario?
If it’s not that bad, then leave it alone.
Why stir up drama if you don’t have to?
What is the Problem Exactly?
If you’ve run the numbers and decided that telling her that you’re not into her friends is an inevitability, then the next step is to figure out what’s going on.
You can’t talk about this subject without backing it up with some evidence, so if all you have is “they suck,” then you’re not going to come out ahead.
Thus, you want to think about why you hate her friends.
What is it about them that you don’t like?
Is it that they take up too much of her time and you’re feeling left out?
Is it a personality thing where you just clash?
Is one of her friends a total A-hole?
Break down the various reasons why you feel this way so that you can figure out a plan of action for solving the problem.
Is the issue mostly on your end?
By that, we mean are your feelings based on jealousy or are they based on objective issues that her friends cause?
Figuring this out will help you determine how to resolve the matter amicably and with minimal drama.
If you can’t pinpoint a reason why you hate her friends, then you probably want to avoid mentioning it until you do.
Being unable to articulate your reasoning will only make it seem like you’re a possessive douche, so don’t be that guy.
What’s the Best-Case Scenario?
So, you hate her friends, and you can’t stand to be around them?
So what does that mean for your relationship?
Are you going to tell her that it’s either them or you?
Or are you trying to reduce the amount of time she spends with them?
Yes, you can tell your girlfriend that you hate her friends and have a substantial reason why, but what’s your endgame here?
Realistically, you don’t want to hang around them, but does that mean that she can’t?
What if they’ve been friends for years before you ever came along?
Overall, you want to figure out a solution that won’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to.
Being the guy that forbid her from seeing her friends is never a good look, and it will only lead to long-term problems.
So, what’s a realistic option for both of you?
Going into this conversation with a compromise will yield better results.
How to Talk About It
If, after all of this preparation you’ve decided that you have to talk to your girlfriend about her friends, then you have to be sure you’re doing it the right way.
Unfortunately, every girl is different, so the “right” way can vary based on the situation.
Nonetheless, here are our tips for a smooth conversation.
Be Blunt – When first approaching the subject, don’t try to talk around the problem.
Instead, just admit that you’re not fond of her friends.
Don’t say that you hate them per se, but that you don’t get along with them.
Being direct will seem difficult, but it will get to the heart of the problem and allow you to discuss it more openly.
Be Supportive – there’s a chance that she knows how you feel, but this information could be a shock to her.
No matter what, make sure that you tell her that you’re not forcing her to do anything.
Instead, you’re trying to find a resolution that works for both of you.
Be Prepared – as we mentioned, having details ready will enable you to keep the conversation moving and ensure that you don’t look like an A-hole in this situation.
Also, you have to be prepared for the possibility that nothing will change.
If that does happen, what does that mean for your relationship?
Telling your girlfriend that you hate her friends is a difficult thing to do, which is why you want to be entirely sure that it’s enough of a problem that needs to be addressed.
In the end, you have to respect her opinions and thoughts on the matter, and you need to recognize that the problem is much bigger than yourself.
Hopefully, she will understand where you’re coming from, and she’ll agree to a resolution that works.
If not, then you’ll have to figure out what that means moving forward.
You might also be interested in reading how to handle your girlfriend’s past.
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