How to End a Relationship. While most of us are so focused on finding the right person and being in a relationship, the fact is that we are going to break up with more people than we are going to be with, so that means that we have to be prepared for this eventuality.
Unfortunately, breaking up is hard and can leave some lasting results, including potential scars on both yourself and your former SO. With that in mind, we’re going to look at the different reasons that you might want to end a relationship, as well as what you hope to get out of the breakup. Understanding these variables will help you make the right decision for both of you and ensure that the split is clean (hopefully).
Why Do You Want to Break Up?
This is probably the most important question that you have to ask yourself, and you better come up with an answer because that is what your SO will want to know as well. While there can be plenty of little reasons that might influence your decision, let’s look at the broad strokes of why people usually break up.
If you’re with someone who is abusive, either emotionally or physically, then separation is the best thing for you. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that sometimes you can be blind to such toxicity, which may make you try to convince yourself that it’s not all bad. Overall though, if you are experiencing some harsh negative feelings as a direct result of your partner’s actions, then you’re probably in a toxic relationship, and you should look for a way out immediately.
There are plenty of times where you meet someone who ignites a spark in you that you didn’t even know was there. Unfortunately, you’re already in a relationship, so what can you do? If this does wind up happening to you, though, you want to be sure that you’re not sabotaging yourself for something fleeting. Overall, if you are going to break up with your SO to be with someone else, you should ensure that these three criteria are met.
- You don’t want to be with your SO anymore
- It’s deeper than lust or sexual attraction
- The other person wants to be with you in the same way
That last one is hugely important since it could mean disaster. For example, you may be falling for someone else who simply wants to have a fling with you and nothing more. We’re not discussing things like children or other attachments yet, as we’ll get to them in our next section.
Not Feeling It
Sometimes, you just lose interest in the person you’re dating. Maybe the spark has faded, or maybe they weren’t the person that you thought they were initially, but whatever the case may be, it’s never a good idea to stay with someone that you aren’t into romantically. Some of us would prefer to be with someone we don’t necessarily love than be alone, but this can lead to regret and resentment over time, so don’t put yourself in that situation.
Finally, the thing that could split you apart is beyond your control. Perhaps you have to move somewhere, or something happens that forces you to put your relationship on hold. If that’s the case, breaking up should be much easier, but it’s also important to decide whether you want a full break or if you want to pursue a long-distance relationship or something similar.
What Results Do You Want?
Once you’ve determined the cause of your desire to break up, then it’s important to understand what you want to get out it. Remember, things can get ugly, but the more upfront and honest you are with your SO, the more likely it will be that you can split amicably without a lot of hostility. Here are some examples.
If you want to remain friends with your SO afterward, just understand that it will probably be easier for you than it is for them. In the end, you can never “go back to normal” after being intimate with someone, but you can learn to be together without being a couple. Overall, it’s crucial that you both want the same thing and are willing to go down the long and complicated road to get there.
On the flip side, you may never want to talk to your SO again, which means that you have to cut your losses completely. This can be difficult, especially if there are other extenuating circumstances (such as kids), so you have to be sure that a) it’s a viable option and b) that it’s what you really want. In the end, this result should only be if you are in a toxic relationship or it’s likely that your SO will try to hurt you afterward.
Keep it Open
This is probably the least likely scenario you will face, but it is something that can happen, especially if external circumstances are what’s driving you apart. Sometimes, though, it can be that you are both at a different stage in what you want out of a relationship and you realize that perhaps you’ll be better suited for each other later on, assuming that you’re not already with someone else.
How to End a Relationship Conclusion
Again, the key to a good breakup is to be open and honest about your feelings and discuss everything with your SO. While it may be more tempting just to cut them out completely, it’s much better for both of you to have this conversation. In the end, you want to be an adult about the situation and talk it out. Even if it is hard, it will allow both of you to get closure, which is what you will need to move on.