What are your bad dating habits? When it comes to finding the right person, sometimes it can feel like the deck is stacked against you. How can you be expected to find your soulmate when everyone is so shallow and superficial? Where are all of the good guys and girls hiding?
Well, while it’s possible that you aren’t meeting anyone of value, it could also be that you’re engaging in bad dating habits that keep you perennially single.
So, in the spirit of helping you find the one let’s take a look at some ways that you could be sabotaging your love life without even realizing it. They say that old habits are hard to break, but hopefully, once you recognize them, you won’t have a hard time unlearning them.
You Have High Expectations
There’s nothing wrong with knowing your self-worth, and we’re certainly not suggesting that you start dating someone who takes advantage of you or puts you down. However, so many of us think that our SO should be willing to give us the world and spoil us every chance he or she gets, meaning that if it doesn’t happen, we think that our SO doesn’t appreciate us enough.
The best way to figure out if your expectations are too high is to list out everything that you want your SO to do, no matter how trivial. If your list is a page long, then you are probably overreaching.
Instead, focus on the things that really matter to you (constant engagement, romantic gestures) and then share that with your new partner. Often we maintain this list without letting our SO know, meaning that we are setting him or her up for failure right off the bat because we assume that these things should be common knowledge.
Another thing to consider is how much of this stuff you are willing to do for your partner and how often you plan on doing them. Relationships are a two-way street, after all.
(Read more about high expectations in this eHarmony blog post.)
You Try to Play Games
If you are the type of person who thinks that there are rules when it comes to dating, that is a huge mistake on your part. Everyone is different and has varying ideas as to how relationships should form, so don’t assume that your next SO will feel the same way as you or know how to play the game. This bad dating habit can really hinder relationship growth.
Things like waiting a certain amount of time between calls, trying to play hard to get, and other common tropes may work in the movies, but it can be frustrating and confusing in real life. Instead, know what you want and be open with your new beau as soon as possible.
You don’t have to relay your whole life story on the first date, but make sure that you clear the air as to what is important to you and whether you’re interested in pursuing the relationship further. Honesty is almost always the best policy unless you’re dating a creeper.
You Overanalyze Everything
This is probably the hardest habit to break as it’s usually hard-wired into our brains. He hasn’t called in two days, what does that mean? She posted her online status as “complicated”? WTF? The best way to understand what your new partner is up to is to talk to him or her, rather than trying to figure everything out on your own.
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, so be sure to engage in conversation as often as possible, especially if you’re concerned about something or want to make sure that you both are on the same page. As always, it’s a two-way street, so be willing to offer your own thoughts and feelings on a regular basis too.
You Try to Impress Your Dates
This is a common mistake that people make, and it can lead to some complicated results depending on how far you go with it. In the end, however, it’s better to be upfront about who you are and what you have accomplished, as the truth always comes out.
Even if a lie seems innocuous, it can come back to bite you in the butt later on, so don’t risk it. What’s most important is compatibility. If you start your relationship off on a lie or by doing too much to grab his or her attention, there is no way that you can keep it up. This means that you either risk losing your SO once the facade wears off, or you have to maintain the illusion through your entire relationship.
You Compare Your Relationship to Others
No two couples are exactly alike, so don’t ever think that you’re in competition with anyone else. Even if you see other people engaged in a perfect relationship, you don’t know what goes on behind the scenes, so you’re not getting the whole story. Instead, focus on the best parts of your relationship and build from there.
If you aren’t satisfied with the way things are going, then talk to your partner and see how he or she feels, and then work on it. Overall, however, there is no right way to be with someone, so if it works for you, then don’t let anyone else try to bring you down.