Why Alone Time is Important in a Relationship. If you are in a new relationship, then you can’t wait to spend time with your partner.
When you’re apart, you miss each other terribly, which means that you want to be with each other as much as possible.
For most people, this is the sign of a healthy relationship, right?
The couples that are strongest are those that can spend eternity by each other’s side, constantly in a state of infatuation, right?
Well, the reality is slightly different than that.
In fact, one could argue that the best relationships are the ones built upon a foundation of solitude and independence.
While this may seem a bit counterintuitive, the fact is that it makes perfect sense.
Allow us to demonstrate.
To Be Comfortable in Your Relationship, You Have to Be Comfortable Alone
Too often, people start dating someone because they feel lonely, not necessarily because they really enjoy the other person.
For these people, they don’t know how to be alone, which means that they need someone else to be around to give them some purpose.
Unfortunately, this is not a good basis for a healthy relationship.
The reason that needing to be with someone is a bad thing is because there are only two scenarios that can occur, and neither one is viable for a long-term relationship.
First, one person will be needier than the other, and it will lead to arguments and hurt feelings.
If one makes plans without the other, then he or she feels neglected.
This will result in a constant cycle of pain that will ultimately leave both parties unsatisfied.
Second, if both partners are needy, then it can create a feedback loop that will only get worse over time.
Eventually, the whole relationship becomes defined by how much time they are spending with each other, and in the end, building on a foundation of co-dependence only makes it harder to break free.
This will lead to feelings of suffocation or resentment, which can poison any relationship.
Be With Someone Because You WANT to, Not Because You NEED to
So, with that in mind, the best remedy for building a strong and successful relationship is to remove the feelings of loneliness and be comfortable with yourself.
In the end, being independent before you start dating will help you sustain a long-term relationship even better.
But why is this the case?
Well, it all comes down to your sense of self and purpose.
When you feel like you need to be in a relationship, then you are defining both of those things based on your partner, rather than something else in your life.
When this happens, your emotions become tied to that person, meaning that you are only happy or sad when they are as well, and you take every action personally.
Essentially, you are removing your own feelings from the equation.
So that’s why it’s so imperative that you can stand on your own without being with someone.
The ability to feel comfortable as a single person means that you are strong enough to deal with the ups and downs of a relationship without letting them get to you.
In essence, by having a strong foundation of self beforehand, you’re able to create something much better and stronger.
Some Things to Keep in Mind With Alone Time
While independence is a great way to minimize any emotional baggage that can come with a relationship, it can be a bad thing if you do it too often.
Thus, before you start planning time for yourself, here are some things to consider.
Support Each Other’s Independence
First of all, it’s crucial that both of you are on board with the idea.
This means that you are okay with your SO making plans without you, and vice versa.
If that is not the case, then you could be looking at some trouble down the road.
In the end, don’t let things like jealousy turn a positive into a negative.
Don’t Do It at the Expense of Your Partner
By this, we mean that you shouldn’t blow off plans to be with your SO so that you can have some time to yourself.
It’s important that both of you have something to do so it doesn’t seem like you’re avoiding or abandoning your partner whenever it’s convenient.
Only Do It When Necessary
Sometimes you need to have some time apart to recollect yourself and engage in something that isn’t related to your relationship.
However, don’t plan on having alone time just because you feel obligated.
In the end, work it into a schedule that you both enjoy.
There is no right answer here, so make time according to your needs.
Above all else, talk to your partner about it.
If you plan on spending the day alone, but he or she wants to hang out all day, then it can lead to conflict.
Overall, be open about your feelings and discuss it as often as possible.
If it starts to feel like you’re drifting apart, bring it up immediately.
Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, so don’t be afraid to talk it out.
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